FYI that's a Monty Python translation joke.
I'd like to talk a little more about translations. Usually translations don't bother me as long as they sound like they're actual poems and not just a Google Translate document.
But in the case of Russian poetry it drives me crazy - partially because I've done a few translations myself and really respect both the author's intentions (not just content but form and word choice and precision) and the need for it to make sense to the intended audience. So seeing most translations of poems in Russian annoy me because they don't make the right choices.
Let me be more generous: they don't make the choices I would have made. Here is an example from one of the best-known 20th-century Russian poets, Marina Tsvetaeva.
This is the original text for anyone who want to compare with the original.
Сегодня ночью я одна в ночи
Марина Цветаева
Сегодня ночью я одна в ночи —
Бессонная, бездомная черница! —
Сегодня ночью у меня ключи
От всех ворот единственной столицы!
Бессонница меня толкнула в путь.
— О, как же ты прекрасен, тусклый Кремль мой! —
Сегодня ночью я целую в грудь
Всю круглую воюющую землю!
Вздымаются не волосы — а мех,
И душный ветер прямо в душу дует.
Сегодня ночью я жалею всех, —
Кого жалеют и кого целуют.
Here's a literal word-for-word translation. It's actually not bad for a computer's poem.
Tonight I'm alone in the night
Marina Tsvetaeva, translated by Google Translate
Tonight I'm alone in the night -
Sleepless, homeless Chernytsya! -
Tonight I have the keys
From all the gates of the capital only!
Insomnia pushed me off.
- Oh, how beautiful you are, dull Kremlin me! -
Tonight I kiss the breast
All round the land at war!
Soar no hair - and fur
And the sultry breeze blowing directly into the soul.
Tonight I'm sorry all -
Who is sorry and kiss someone.
I had to look up Chernytsa, it's a toponym (a place name) for something small and black, in this case a nun.
There are some errors here - "Kremlin me" instead of "Kremlin my", using the word "а" to mean "and" instead of "but" in "Soar no hair - and fur." (The word in Russian is sort of like a combination of both "and" and "but.") It gives you an overall idea, but doesn't really tie things together, and there's some really confusing lines towards the end. Although "Who is sorry and kiss someone" is going to be the name of my next R&B album.
Here's a translation I found online.
This night, I wander, all alone outside
Marina Tsvetaeva, translated by Andrey Kneller
This night, I wander, all alone outside, -
A sleepless nun, a homeless traveler! -
I have the keys from all the gates tonight
Of this unique, and one and only capital!
Insomnia has pushed me into town,
- How stunning you appear, O dusky Kremlin! -
This night, I kiss the boisterous and round,
The hostile, warring planet on the temple!
The muggy wind blows straight into the soul.
And not the hair arises, but the fleece!
This night, alone, I pity, one and all, -
Those who are pitied presently and kissed.
I really don't like some aspects of this - "I kiss the boisterous and round,/The hostile, warring planet on the temple" is pretty terrible verse and nowhere near the meaning of the original. Especially the use of the word "temple" is confusing because of the multiple meanings of "forehead" and "place of worship" which aren't part of the poem in Russian.
This next one isn't much better.
This night today I am alone in the night
Marina Tsvetaeva, translated by Ilya Shambat
This night today I am alone in the night -
A sleepless and a homeless nun!
This night today I have the keys
Of all the gates of capital, just one!
The sleeplessness has pushed me on the way.
O, dusky Kremlin, how you're beautiful!
I kiss into the chest this night today
The whirling-round ground as it does howl!
The stifling wind blows straight into the soul,
The hair arises - not the hair, but down.
Those who are pitied and those who are kissed -
This night today I pity everyone.
Although the poem literally does start with "this night today I am alone in the night," we just don't talk like that in English, at least American English. You could make the argument it's being all poetic-like, but it doesn't come across as high-flown or original, it just sounds clunky and lifeless.
So this is why translation bugs me: most seem to fall too far on one side or the other of being strictly faithful to the original text or cheating to get the overall sense of the poem into the translated language. There's no such thing as a perfect translation, so Biblical scholars tell us. But there's got to be something better than this.
I'll give it a quick go and you can tell me if it's better, worse or no change.
Tonight I am alone in the night
Marina Tsvetaeva, translated by Matt Quarterman
Tonight I am alone in the night,
-- A sleepless, homeless nun! --
Tonight I hold the keys
To all the gates of the only capital.
My sleeplessness nudged me on the way,
-- O your beauty in the dusk, my Kremlin!
Tonight I kiss the chest
Of the round warring world.
Not hair but fur is rising!
And a stifling wind blows into the soul.
Tonight I pity everyone,
Who pities and who kisses.
It's not great: the meter is erratic, it doesn't have the abab rhyme scheme of the original (the Russians do love their rhyme and meter - an interesting fact for another post), and there are still some phrases that can seem wonky. ("And a stifling wind blows into the soul" doesn't really do it justice, for example.)
But I feel like it's at least close enough to the original to feel some of the weight and grace of Tsvetaeva's lines, and the English syntax doesn't stick you in the eye.
Thoughts? Comments? Improvements? Bring it on, I'm game.
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